Tag Archives: taboo

Backing Away From Money?

Have you ever found yourself doing that? Backing away from money? People do it way more often than you might think. If you pay attention, you may even find yourself doing it. Let me give you a couple of pretty interesting examples.

When I first started being a Money Coach I noticed this weird thing that would often happen to me at networking events. Someone would introduce me as  a Money Coach and people would literally back away from me. It was pretty disconcerting. I’d find myself checking to see if I had an odd odor emanating from me, or some part hanging out that shouldn’t be… nope, nothing like that. It was simply because I represented Money and it’s a big, scary taboo topic.

Here’s another one.  Year’s ago when my then husband and his brother inherited a fairly large chunk of change this odd thing happened.  I was in the kitchen getting some food ready to take to the table and my brother-in-law was standing there.  I asked him if there was anything particular he was going to do with the money, and mentioned something like “hiring a financial planner” to help him.  He literally backed up, and went to another room.  Ah the faux pas strikes again!

More recently, I was at an Opening Studio event being held by Sari de la Motte of Forte.  Her company works with people around making sure that the messages they are sending with tone and body match the verbal messages.  This event was specifically for attorneys.  I was part of a mock jury, and the attorneys were delivering their opening arguments to us, and then getting feedback from us, and coaching from Sari.  Of course, I can’t tell you anything about the four different cases, which were fascinating!  What I can tell you is that when each one of them got to talking about money they backed up.  Wow!  Trial attorneys!  Amazing.  Money is the vehicle they use to determine damages and worth of their cases.

And just to make the point even clearer, let me give you one closer to home.  There is a listserv that I belong to, it’s primarily people posting about events, things for sale, classes, etc.   I post a notice of my blog on it when I write one.  That’s mostly twice a month.  You probably get a similar notice via email.  The one on the listserv is simpler in that it doesn’t have any photos.  So I posted a notice of my last blog—the one titled ‘Rehearsing Conversations‘—and I got an email from someone that said: “Please stop sending these.”  I assumed he didn’t want the listserv at all, but no: he didn’t want me on it.  What he said next was: “I like the list. I don’t want to unsubscribe. I just don’t like you over using this for self-promotion.  Too many ‘contributions’ from Ka-ching.”  Wow, talk about gobsmacked!  Even writing this out now, I feel my own personal Defense Horse chomping at the bit to zoom out and gallop all over this! Instead, I’d like you to notice that this guy is in essence backing away from what I have to say. My guess is he hasn’t actually read anything I’ve posted, he’s seen word “Ka-ching” and assumed it’s something about money and that was enough for him.

We often get backed up around money, and it’s pretty likely that we don’t even recognize it’s happening because it’s so overwhelmingly taboo.

And here’s the really important and sticky part of this.  How effective do you think you are going to be at making and amassing money if you avoid it so stridently?  If you can’t bring up your fee without backing up, how do you think the potential client is going to react?  Backing up when it comes to money is frankly antithetical to acquiring it.  We back up and avoid things that are harmful, dangerous, scary, and oh, yes, taboo.  If money is all that, then why do you want it?  Our brains avoid things with mixed messages, and backing away from money, while saying we want it is definitely a mixed message.  Which way do you think your brain is actually going to align with?  You body saying: “back up” or some other part saying: “lean in and get some”?

How about you try taking steps toward your money?  Getting closer?  Getting friendly?  Take a deep breath and step toward it – just see what happens.


Shell Tain, The Untangler

If you’d a bit of extra support is moving toward your money, give me  a call at  503-258-1630 or check out my website at www.sensiblecoaching.com.


During the gathering portion of my last teleclass, while we were waiting for the starting time, we were creating a list of topics that actually are taboo.  Those things we know to not talk about, to keep secret, hidden and out of sight.

Here’s what we came up with in both general and specific terms:

Sex:                                                                                                                                                                     Porn                                                                                                                                                             Kinky Stuff

Family Secrets

Health:                                                                                                                                                               Mental Illness                                                                                                                                           Medication                                                                                                                                                 Bodily Functions (poop, periods, etc)taboo

Addictions:                                                                                   Alcohol                                                                                   Drugs                                                                                       Gambling




Legal:                                                                                                                                                                 Arrests                                                                                                                                                         Law Suits

Past Regrest

Oh yes, and what was that other one?  I remember: MONEY.

There are a couple of things that most of these have in common.  First, they are considered to be BAD.  Secondly, we worry how we would be judged around them.  There is an element of shame and recrimination.

The fact that money is in this pile explains a lot about how we are with it.  What other topic that is Taboo is actually neutral in nature?  Doesn’t ‘taboo’ mean bad?  Our parents sure acted like talking about money was bad.  So it must be true, right?

No, money isn’t actually ‘bad’, and it’s not even ‘good’.   It’s neutral.  It’s whatever we say it is, and whatever we stick on it emotionally is what it is.

Money in itself isn’t shameful either.  What we do with it may or may not be shameful.  See,  there’s the rub.  Money is only a tool that we use.  We put the emotion and judgment on money.  We still carry it over to ourselves through the money, but I think this mislaid blame on money serves to just create a bigger knot.  If we recognize that we spend money on things that we don’t care about, that is completely different than thinking that money is somehow bad and doesn’t support us.  This blaming money thing distracts us from being clear about what we are really up to.  It keeps us stuck in old traps.

Good ‘ole Dr. Phil says “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”  I agree, especially around money.  Money doesn’t happen to you by itself.  You make choices, millions of them, and money just reflects those choices.

It seems to start with money being in the same pile as all those other taboo topics, bad and shameful.  What might be different if you could just change that perspective?