Tag Archives: marry for money

Money in the First Position

Ever do that thing where you go into the store and head directly for the sale rack as if it’s the only thing available?  Or maybe you stayed at a job you hated because they gave you a raise?  These are just a couple of examples of the Money Trap I call Money in the First Position, and it’s a stinker!

First let me explain what a Money Trap is.  A Money Trap is somethimoney trapng that takes you off course.  It’s like a hole you fall into, and a trap that snares you.  When it comes to our money it is specifically something that takes you away from your goals, values and dreams.  It’s, above all, a distraction from your purpose.  There are bunches of these traps out there.  Some are common to most of us and some are yours alone.  This Money in the First Position one is pretty common.

The title comes from a nod to bank loans.  The main mortgage on your home is in “the first position”.  What that really means is if something happens to your home whoever has that “first” gets paid “first”.  I call this Money Trap “Money in the First Position” because what happens is that money is the first thing you consider, and often the only thing.

But wait you say, isn’t money an important thing to consider?  Yes, it certainly is.  The trap is when it’s the ONLY thing or when money is given too much weight.  There is nothing I like more than finding a great price for something I want.  The problem is when I buy it based on the price even if it’s not really what I want

Money is an important part of most decisions but we get in trouble when it’s the only part.  Dr. Phil has a great line about this: “If you marry for money, you earn every penny.”  It’s a big price to pay!

People often use Money in the First Position to actually protect themselves from having to explore new territory.  By asking the cost of something first you can dismiss it as “too expensive”.  That’s one of the most common results of this trap.  We dismiss something because of the price before we even really know what it is and what its value may be.  It would most likely be more effective to buy a pair of slacks that fit perfectly and you wore every week for twice or even three times the money you paid for the “perfectly adequate” on sale pair…and if you have the Money in the First Position trap running you, then you won’t even give that a chance.

The real problem with all of this is misunderstanding money.  Getting more money or a better deal isn’t the goal.  Getting what you truly desire or want and having the money (cost) make sense is the goal.   That’s the sweet spot.

So notice where you put money in your decision making.  Is it top of the pile?  It is the only thing you consider?  Or is it an important factor mixed in with other things that are also relevant?

I can help you untangle this and other Money Traps, give me a call at 503-258-1630 or check out my website at  www.sensiblecoaching.com

Ka’ching,

Shell Tain, The Untangler

Married For Money?

I’ve always kinda liked Dr Phil.  Maybe it’s that he’s feisty?  Anyway, one of my favorite ‘Dr-Phil-isms’ is “If you marry for money, you will earn every penny.”  I think the money knot around that is worth exploring.

marriedThe biggest problem about marrying for money, or doing anything just for the money, is that money is never the actual issue.  It’s bass-ackwards.  Money is reflective of other things. Money is just a symbol for all the things we want that we think will make us happy.

If we make or “earn” our money doing something we love, we are honoring who we are.  In that case, we are living based on the core stuff that is truly important to us.  When we do anything  “‘just for the money” we are falling into the “Money In the First Position” Money Trap.  That’s the one where we make the choice solely for and about money.  Frankly, doing almost anything just for money isn’t worth it, is it?

Okay, I hear you thinking: “But what if I need money to pay the rent and feed my kids, and do a yucky job to get that?”  In that case you are doing the work you hate to make the money to support the kids you love.  That’s not the same as doing something just for money.  Would you actually keep that job if you didn’t have the kids and the rent to worry about?

The reason that doing something just for money rings so hollow is that it’s not really about money.  Again the bass-ackwards thing.  (Okay, I enjoy using that word)  It’s about the life you imagine you will have once you have money.  And there is the fallacy.

Remember that thing about money being reflective?  If you are just about having money, you are waiting to be in your life until you have the money.  What’s the money supposed to give you?  Happiness, safety, peace?  Maybe even love or fame?

None of those things start after you have money.

Money can reflect those things, but it never creates them in a satisfying way.  There’s another rub.  We don’t actually want just the money, we want the money to make us happy.  Ah, not money’s job.  Money’s job is to show us where we are putting our energy and efforts, to show us what we are choosing.

So are you choosing to spend your efforts and energy in making money, and hoping that it will make you feel good about yourself and life in general?  Or are you choosing to live every day using your energy and efforts to enhance and reinforce what you really care about, and allowing the money to reflect that?

So I think what Dr Phil really means is that it will be brutal and hard to marry for money, because you won’t be honoring who you are, you’ll only be chasing money, and that is bass-ackwards!

Ka-ching

Shell