Tag Archives: fear

Dance Of The Monsters Under The Bed

For many people, their money stuff feels like those old monsters under the bed.  Remember those?

We were just sure there was something scary under there, and way too afraid to look.  Often we would ask one of our parents to check and see, and even then we still weren’t really sure that they had been banished from under the bed.monsters

The monsters under the bed and the bogeymen in the closets of old represented the unknown.  Something scary in the dark that danced around in our heads.  And that’s what our money fears do, isn’t it?  They dance and spin in our heads.  The very last thing we want to do is to actually look at them.

And the truth is, their only power is gained by our fear of looking at them.

Once people finally look under the bed, they find only dust bunnies.  Once you actually look at your money, you find history.  You find choices you have made.  And even more important, everyone I have ever known that has actually looked has found that it wasn’t nearly as bad as they feared it would be.

I’ve got a new client that seems to be struggling with that.  He’s been dancing up to working with me for months.  He made the commitment but is now dancing away.  He hasn’t completed the initial homework of answering questions about money, and he keeps stalling and moving the date to start.  What I make up is that he’s scared of what he’ll find.  Who knows what he makes up is under the bed.

Can you see how it is likely that it’s his little kid part that is keeping him from actually looking at his money?  He’s stuck spinning around in the fear.

Unfortunately, I can’t help him until he actually chooses to shine the flashlight under the bed.

I see him imagining all sorts of scary demons charging around, dancing and leaping.  As a matter of fact, it reminds me of a piece of music composed and performed by a friend of mine, Arthur Breur.  It’s aptly titled “The Dance of the Monsters Under the Bed”.  Give it a listen:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbeXJjIPVo  See if you can envision in this piece whatever is holding you back.  Is it the money gremlins?  Or is it perhaps the voice that says you aren’t good enough?   Maybe it’s a fear that someone will truly find out that you are not as adept as you pretend to be?

Whatever monsters are dancing under your bed, they are hoping you don’t actually shine a light down there and look.  You see, once they are in the light they become small, and inconsequential.

Trust yourself to be able to look at what’s scary and make other more effective choices.  Once you take that first step of looking, the other steps will fall right in line.




Hey, psst, over here.  Wanna know a secret?  I’ve got something to tell you, come on over here.  It’ll only take a minute or two….

Here’s the secret.  Your secrets are keeping you down.  They aren’t really protecting you or anyone else.  They are keeping you in the dark.

shhhThe funny thing about secrets is that as you hide them from others, but you also tend to hide them from yourself.  You attempt to pretend they aren’t there.   You try to step over them.  Ironically, one of the secrets then becomes that you are keeping secrets from yourself.

The idea of exposing secrets is fraught with fear.  Mostly we worry about what other people will think, both of us and of our secrets.  We experience shame and embarrassment just thinking about bringing the secret into the light.  I contend that our personal recrimination toward ourselves is far worse than what others would say.  After all, we are hardest on ourselves, aren’t we?

And what’s a major topic of those secrets?  Why, it’s money!  It’s the thing we keep secret even when it’s not necessary.  We have been taught from a very early age not to talk about it.  It’s cloaked and hidden, even when it’s working well in your life.  If it’s not working well it’s not only hidden, it’s well hidden and often hurtful as well.

What are your secrets about money?  Really, what are they?  It’s time to take them out and look at them.  Write them down, start a list.  Give it time.  Remember, you are keeping them secret from yourself.  As you dig for them here are a couple of questions to consider:

          Do you hide money in your house?

          Have you ever stolen something?

          Do you spend money that no one knows about?

          Did you even do something sneaky with money?

          Do you have secret accounts?

          Have you ignored paying back a debt?

          Do you avoid looking at your credit card statements?

          Is there something that happened with money you are afraid to talk about?

All that and more goes on your list.  Write it out.  Tell it to yourself.  Bring it into the light.  Let go of protecting it.  It’s costing you so much to keep it secret.  The cost may be financial, and it is most certainly emotional and physical.

If, after you’ve looked at your money secrets yourself, consider telling someone else about them.  Choose wisely who you tell.  This is not about some sort of humiliation; it’s about clearing out the dark stuff and seeing that as you expose the secrets, others often understand and empathize with you, rather than ridicule you.  After all, they have secrets, too.

Allow me to offer you this.  Send me the secrets.  I know them, I’ve seen them.  I know that just telling them somewhere safe will help you free yourself from them.