Money is one of those areas where we have all made some mistakes.
- We have bought things that didn’t work.
- We have spent too much money on stuff we never used.
- We have given people presents they didn’t like.
- We have lost money on the sale of a house
- We have gotten “taken to the cleaners” in a divorce.
- We have run up charges and interest on our credit cards.
And yet we are mostly still here, and kicking!
Sure some of these things were and are avoidable. And yet they also still serve to give our Inner Critic great fodder for berating us!
There are a couple of things I want to clear up about these ‘errors in judgement‘ and ‘mistakes‘ we all make with our money.
First, you got through them ! The problems may have been messy and costly, but you survived them! It’s one of the things I think our ancestors that went through the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl got trapped in. They somehow missed that they made it through the troubles, and that they didn’t happen again in the same way. We tend to practice “one trial learning” with many things. We tend to either try and hide our head in the sand or decide it will always be like it was, and avoid getting anywhere near the part we think is scary. We stay trapped.
The other thing I’d really like my readers to consider is the value of the messing up. Huh, you say! How can there be value in having gone through that terrible time, that mess?
It’s all about learning! As humans we actually learn by making mistakes, by being imperfect. You don’t just get on a bike and ride it the first time. You wobble and pedal and fall off. The same process happens a bunch in other aspects of our lives, including money. We screw up, make mistakes, and learn. If we don’t make mistakes we don’t learn!
But instead of accepting that we make mistakes, sometimes in order to try and avoid “errors”, we try to be — or appear to be — perfect… yipes! Just how patient are you with yourself? Do you keep trying to attain something close to perfection to avoid judgement? And do you notice that most of the judgement come from your inner critic, instead of the people around you?
Many of us have this thing in our heads about trying to be ‘perfect‘. I truly think it’s one of the traps our Inner Critics use to keep us stuck in a rut. Somehow we think we are supposed to be perfect without practice, failing, or learning. Instead I really like the perspective that Maya Angelou put forth: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
We do recover, we do persevere, and we do learn.
Money is just one of the assets that we ‘spend’ while we are learning. Money, Time, and Energy all get spent. And I’d like to suggest that Money is really just a reflection of the other two: Time and Energy.
Here’s the really interesting question. How much time, energy, and maybe even money do you spend trying to be perfect, protecting the idea that you are almost perfect, or even hiding that you aren’t perfect? What if instead of getting trapped by perfection, you actually celebrated your mistakes as ways to learn? What if it’s really about focusing on the learning, and not beating yourself up about that mistake you made?
It’s really likely that your attempt at perfection is a reaction to some really ‘old stuff’ that actually is no longer present in your life, right? Like avoiding being judged or lectured.
Seems to me trying to be perfect has us holding on to, and getting stuck in, our errors in judgement, instead of learning from them, perhaps laughing them off, and most certainly moving on… what say you?
Shell Tain, the Untanlger
If you’d like some support letting go of trying for perfection, just give me a call at 503-258-1630 or check out my website at www.sensiblecoaching.com.