Have you ever found yourself doing that? Backing away from money? People do it way more often than you might think. If you pay attention, you may even find yourself doing it. Let me give you a couple of pretty interesting examples.
When I first started being a Money Coach I noticed this weird thing that would often happen to me at networking events. Someone would introduce me as a Money Coach and people would literally back away from me. It was pretty disconcerting. I’d find myself checking to see if I had an odd odor emanating from me, or some part hanging out that shouldn’t be… nope, nothing like that. It was simply because I represented Money and it’s a big, scary taboo topic.
Here’s another one. Year’s ago when my then husband and his brother inherited a fairly large chunk of change this odd thing happened. I was in the kitchen getting some food ready to take to the table and my brother-in-law was standing there. I asked him if there was anything particular he was going to do with the money, and mentioned something like “hiring a financial planner” to help him. He literally backed up, and went to another room. Ah the faux pas strikes again!
More recently, I was at an Opening Studio event being held by Sari de la Motte of Forte. Her company works with people around making sure that the messages they are sending with tone and body match the verbal messages. This event was specifically for attorneys. I was part of a mock jury, and the attorneys were delivering their opening arguments to us, and then getting feedback from us, and coaching from Sari. Of course, I can’t tell you anything about the four different cases, which were fascinating! What I can tell you is that when each one of them got to talking about money they backed up. Wow! Trial attorneys! Amazing. Money is the vehicle they use to determine damages and worth of their cases.
And just to make the point even clearer, let me give you one closer to home. There is a listserv that I belong to, it’s primarily people posting about events, things for sale, classes, etc. I post a notice of my blog on it when I write one. That’s mostly twice a month. You probably get a similar notice via email. The one on the listserv is simpler in that it doesn’t have any photos. So I posted a notice of my last blog—the one titled ‘Rehearsing Conversations‘—and I got an email from someone that said: “Please stop sending these.” I assumed he didn’t want the listserv at all, but no: he didn’t want me on it. What he said next was: “I like the list. I don’t want to unsubscribe. I just don’t like you over using this for self-promotion. Too many ‘contributions’ from Ka-ching.” Wow, talk about gobsmacked! Even writing this out now, I feel my own personal Defense Horse chomping at the bit to zoom out and gallop all over this! Instead, I’d like you to notice that this guy is in essence backing away from what I have to say. My guess is he hasn’t actually read anything I’ve posted, he’s seen word “Ka-ching” and assumed it’s something about money and that was enough for him.
We often get backed up around money, and it’s pretty likely that we don’t even recognize it’s happening because it’s so overwhelmingly taboo.
And here’s the really important and sticky part of this. How effective do you think you are going to be at making and amassing money if you avoid it so stridently? If you can’t bring up your fee without backing up, how do you think the potential client is going to react? Backing up when it comes to money is frankly antithetical to acquiring it. We back up and avoid things that are harmful, dangerous, scary, and oh, yes, taboo. If money is all that, then why do you want it? Our brains avoid things with mixed messages, and backing away from money, while saying we want it is definitely a mixed message. Which way do you think your brain is actually going to align with? You body saying: “back up” or some other part saying: “lean in and get some”?
How about you try taking steps toward your money? Getting closer? Getting friendly? Take a deep breath and step toward it – just see what happens.
Shell Tain, The Untangler
If you’d a bit of extra support is moving toward your money, give me a call at 503-258-1630 or check out my website at www.sensiblecoaching.com.
Also especially true with struggling congregations, many that are within months or at least following the death of a minimal number of generous members. We are hearing that such congregations may ask for guidance during an 11th hour appeal for help. Admitting the need for help might be a public acknowledgement that their are few, if any, signs of life.
Backing away from said conversations upholds the denial.
Very interesting knot you are talking about there! Too bad that can’t ask sooner.
Great article Shell. I’ve had the same experience when I help people with their planning. Just when I’m ready to let them know where they stand, I never hear from them again.
Unfortunate for sure! At least the one’s that do play are committed, yes?